When I was in undergrad, a good friend of mine met the love of her life and married him shortly thereafter. Over the years I watched in admiration as they moved around the country, got pregnant, and bought their first house together. She also managed to achieve her Master's degree in that time, and even started her own business. Meanwhile, I struggled to find a consistent partner, a career path, and to live in anything beyond a studio apartment. While it appeared to the outside world that I was a free, spontaneous, single woman (which was partly true), the reality was that a lot of the time I felt lonely and confused.
And then, within months, my friend's relationship fell apart and they were divorced. Suddenly the adult lifestyle that they were living didn't seem so desirable anymore. Real issues such as how to pay the house payment, divide custody, and date again entered the forefront. I found myself grateful to be in the ambiguous stage of life that I was in.
In many late night conversations, this friend and I shared with one another how we had always admired the other- and still did- for the qualities that we felt we ourselves lacked. We also identified how very similar we are in many ways. We grew closer as we struggled to find our footing through life's unbeaten path. At one point I even jokingly said to her "Well, I guess now we're both in the same place in life- single & dating in this crazy world!" We had a good laugh.
It's striking to me how often we get caught up in what we don't have, what we lack- or what others do have. Perhaps this is just part of the human condition. Perhaps this is what draws us to friends and partners- sensing that they somehow possess the magical qualities that we are short of. When I find myself engaging in this kind of thinking, I try to remind myself of the things that I am grateful for, and the qualities that I appreciate about myself. We are, at the end of the day, uniquely individual- so why not try to embrace it?
Always we hope
someone else has the answer.
Some other place will be better,
some other time it will all turn out.
This is it.
No one else has the answer.
No other place will be better,
and it has already turned out.
-Lao-Tzu
someone else has the answer.
Some other place will be better,
some other time it will all turn out.
This is it.
No one else has the answer.
No other place will be better,
and it has already turned out.
-Lao-Tzu
Thank you for sharing this. I have also found myself caught up in the admiration, borderline envy, of friends' lives. I am still learning to admire myself.
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