Many of us in the Psychology field exercise precaution when it comes to dealing with lawyers, so naturally I was a bit skeptical when one messaged me on Cupid. He said something witty and demonstrated that he had actually read my profile though, which was a step up from the rest. I decided to give him a shot.
He passed the first date screening process with little concern other than his shirt, which was tucked into his belted jeans in a somewhat boyish manner. He was a nice guy, I cut him some slack.
Things quickly turned sour when, 10 minutes in to our second date he made the comment "Anyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps in this country." Le sigh. I am on a date with this white guy. It's not his fault that he is with a Sociologist/ Psychologist/Social Justice Believer. I've done some reading in this area. But it IS his fault that, after many years of education, he can still make a comment like that. Believing in bootstraps is kinda like believing in the Tooth Fairy; acceptable to a certain point, and then it's time to stop believing in everything the adults (or in this case, the history books) say.
I have a quick conversation with myself, debating whether I want to go there or just continue with this guy for the next 2 hours knowing I won't be seeing him again. I decide to do the responsible thing and talk to him, white on white. He receives my challenge, and we have a productive conversation about the many examples of institutional racism that prevent people from being able to "pull themselves up."
Needless to say, the lawyer wasn't my soul mate, but at least we were able to have a difficult conversation productively, and hopefully he will never make that comment again.
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